deathbypink

i'm back from camp. i always get so excited to go to camp but then when i get there it's like "oh, there's a reason it's called rock hill." why does it have to be literal. there are lots of rocks and even more hills. i remember one year ali said "why can it be flat valley camp instead?" a lot of camp names aren't very creating their just literal, like rocky brook. at rocky brook there are lots of rocks and there's a brook even though it's at the bottom of this insane ravine. i went to buckskin and honestly i'm not so sure i want to know if that literal considering it's all guys. i'm sure if summit base is literal or not but their slogan 'choose your pleasure' is and it's also a bit suggestive. i can't believe that long lasting relationship actually developed there. it's such a sketchy place. i might go back to camp this summer for the last two weeks because then i'll get to be with audrey & bridget.

hey people so i'm going away to camp on sunday for life guard training and well when i go there i feel kind of alone. everyone loves mail, it's what we live for at camp. campers, juilettes, junior staff, junior counselors, C.I.T.s, counselors, we live for those care packages and mail, it makes us feel special. so write to me and i promise i'll write back. so here's the address:

hey people so i'm going away to camp on sunday for life guard training and well when i go there i feel kind of alone. everyone loves mail, it's what we live for at camp. campers, juilettes, junior staff, junior counselors, C.I.T.s, counselors, we live for those care packages and mail, it makes us feel special. so write to me and i promise i'll write back. so here's the address:

i can believe summer is here. i love love love summer. so many good things about summer. i'll make a list.

tonight the air is cool and crisp. this night reminds me of the chilly summer nights at camp. sitting down by lake writing in my journal, deep in thought. it's you, your the one i can't get out of my mind. crawling into bed around one a.m., it's an early night. my tent mates, the girls i've grown up with, still conversing about the lovers that they've left behind in their boring hometown to pine for them. i lay on my bed silently because i'm unable to contribute to this conversation. it is something out of crappy teen novel, where girls gossip about 'lover's bliss'. it makes want to be sick. as the noise dies down, a chilly wind passes through the tent it seems to quiet the voices. finally. sleep. the thing i have waited twelve months for. waking in the middle of the night i hear the music i fell asleep to,the music that reminds me of you. i lay their crying because i can't hep but think of you. i can't help but think of how right now, i'm so far away from you. i can't help but think that in a few short weeks, i can come home be with you. but that was just wishful thinking. then i think of how you still belong to her and not me. but tonight is tonight and i'm not alone at camp in the confines of my bug netting, but here in my room. and for the first time i can't help but think tonight you belong to no one and that maybe this summer you can belong to me.

i want nothing more than to hate you and not care anymore but i couldn't if i tried. boys really suck like super suck. the ones that really suck, like majorly (not a word i know) suck,are the ones that are sweet,the ones that whisper in your ear, make you laugh, make you giggle(even though you laugh at girls like that)make you smile, seem sincere, tell you everything you want to hear, but turns out they are leading you on so they can crush, just for fun. just to have a good laugh. just to know that they have power. just to make them feel good about themselves. guys like that should be careful not all the girls you hurt are the same, not everyone reacts the same. some get even. some are self- destructive. some feel numb. i don't feel any of those. the only thing i feel is stupid for ever believing you.

Standing there afraid of being betrayed.
Afraid of being in love, the thing so many claim to be so torturous.
Love only seems to be a thing in movies and dreams.
Lingering on his every word.
The words that say ‘I love you’.
Words aren’t always what they seem.
His voice sounds truthful and sincere.
But he can’t control the words that come out.
The words are slurred and stuttered.
She gives in surrendering to his words.
Returning the gesture.
Giving up.
Letting herself fall in love.
Giving into love.
Rather than wondering about what could have been.

It’s like I’m invisible to you.
I’m standing right in front of you, babe.
And yet you don’t see me.
What do I have to do to get your attention, again?
Maybe if I scream at the top of my lungs.
What can I do to make you see me instead of through me?
Maybe I could call out your name loud enough for everyone to hear.

Why can’t you hear my voice?
Why can’t you feel my touch?
Why can’t you see me?
Why can’t you love me?

I’m standing right in front of you, jumping and screaming but you can’t see me.
Physically I’m still here but you just ignore me.
You make me feel like the air you breath, not visible but always there, always taken for granted.
Sometimes I just wish you could hear me.
Sometimes I just wish you could feel me.
Sometimes I just wish you could see me.
And sometimes I just wish that I was as invisible as you make me feel.

Baby I'm better than you ever deserve
I'm better than any thing you could ever get
I'm everything that you could ever want and more
I'm everything than you'll ever need
Sorry babe, but I'm just better
I could get better than you
I deserve better than you
I should want someone better than you
I don't want more
I don't want better
I just want you.












Truth is I don't think it gets much better than you.

baby, please stop trying to me jealous
but i going out of my head
i know that just what you're trying to do
but seeing you has me acting like a fool
can't think, can't sleep
babe, you drive me insane
i trying to hate you, it never works
i couldn't forget if i tried, and trust me i've tried.
Maybe it'd be easier if you were dead

When he is gone
I will be left here on my own
Everything I know will cease to exist
All he’s ever show me will die
When he is gone
The love that we share will die
Without him there is nothing to live for
Nothing but life its self
Maybe for once I can live for me
And only me

She liked him
He liked her
It took them years to get everything together

She was ready for him

He thought he was ready for her but he wasn't 

He said he wanted to be with her

But she knew she wanted to be with him

He said 'i love you' 
she tried to say it back but she couldn't

She didn't think he meant it.

You would probably agree with her.

Being together just a few times meant everything to her
But it meant nothing to him

It's been a while since they were together

She longs to be with him again
He still doesn't know her pain

She does think he feels any pain
But he does
He secretly wishes that he could hold her in his arms again

She says that she’s over him
But she longs for one more kiss

He loves her

She loves him
The thing is they don't know it yet.

But they will soon find out

In the end everything will be alright.

PLEASE DON'T STEAL MY WORK BECAUSE IT TAKES ME A WHILE TO GET IT RIGHT.
MOST IMPORTANTLY LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK

Standing there afraid of being betrayed.
Afraid of being in love, the thing so many claim to be so torturous.
Love only seems to be a thing in dreams.
Lingering on his every word.
The words that say ‘I love you’
Words aren’t always what they seem.
His voice sounds truthful and sincere.
But he can’t control the words that come out.
The words are slurred and stuttered.
She gives in surrendering to his words.
Saying ‘I love you’ back.
Giving up.
Letting herself fall in love.
Giving into love.
Rather than living in fear of what could have been.